what are we looking for?

we have been seeing/sending lots of mail with msgs, poems, lessons to leave everything and go and settle with our dear ones, or atleast make an attempt to spend some time with them... but somehow, we always manage to say "i have no time ma".."why cant you understand dad".."no anna ! i cannot come for diwali" ... to think of it, wat are we looking for... may be money, settled life , better future for the dear ones... third one is always better answer for us to say them " i am working for you ma.. why cant you understand".. are these real answer or jus excuses??,... do we start enjoying other segments of this world and begin to enjoy staying away ??......was that hard to spend time with our dear ones??.. most of us know the answer.. some things are better not be told....

what's it to say "bye".....

"it is really hard to say "bye" to you' -- i started hearing/saying this often after my school days,
in my school days, i thought i am going to study in "MMC" medical college with my friend shyl in same hostel room and we gonna visit our home town every month and go to "then" home(another friend) ....and the fact s that nothing of this had happened.. though this has been materialized for 7 years now, i still wonder how i live withut them.. ,
then, i said bye to my home town... the road i walked for "N" times had nw belong to my past memories than it belong to myself.....
after, i started feeling myself as a part of my college and my college friends..
when i came to full swing of that feel, it has been 4 years , i have to say bye to them...i said..
i started working, joined with my 4 more friends and we made something called "home" .. one day, i got work in some other country, i have to say "bye" to them...

it has been tough all the time though we are saying it to the nth person...
Life has been so cruel and wonderful for the same reason... it makes you say bye to everyone you meet at one point of time and feel them in their absence, may be in the song they loved, the moon they loved to see, in the buttons of the shirt they adjusted for you...... Every action of them, every smile of them is still remembered in some way...

but also time makes you live without shyl/then and still laugh..walk in some roads of some country and still feel happy....chat with another set of new friends and still have topics....

may be ...this is wat life, is all about..

when i was ten..

..i was in my fifth std "B" sec....when i was asked abt my class ,i dont remember stopping with std ... i, most of us i believe, have been very specific in mentioning the section..i dunno wat sense that could make for the questioner.. neither we are bothered abt that...ok this "section" has got no significance in this blog..it was a regular boring school day..i have to get some notebooks for the afternoon classes. me and pari went to shop near bus stand.. when we were returning, i suddenly saw that kid standing alone crying.. he would not been more than 4. he was in our school uniform..i went near him asking whether he was studying in "Seventh day school"...he made a gesture which we took it as "YES"....he is crying a lot..i have to console him for long time, get him 4 aasai choclates..we couldnt afford more.. he at last did something like smile.. ....from watever he taked, i could get that he was in LKG(ofcourse "B" sec).....then we took him to his class.. the teacher was almost clueless abt whom he is..
we started feeling that something was going wrong as almost all the class teacher will know everyone in the school..atleast their faces(there were hardly 150 ppl in whole school)..
we have to check all the attendence and finally it was decided that the kid is not studying in the school(you ppl would ve now guessed that none of other schools in the same town could have same uniform..yes , this kid is from some other town..he is nt able to tell the school name as he is now again crying because of the new place, or may be he is hungry.... we left the choice of consoling him as it looks impossible. we couldnt get any details from his school bag... the weight of the moment was falling on us like anythign.. remember we were just 10 and this trouble is really huge for us.... pari was more courageous than me..she was telling that somehow we could handle this... we are taken to the head master room and god..no.. she was yelling at us like anything.... we were asked to wait outside the room.. the kid was still crying.. my other friends by then, got some more choclates and were trying to console him and they were looking at us helplessly.... i could hear my HM telling abt "Gavas" "police station"....wat police station..no...my dad will kill me....my heart is beating like anything...and finally Gavas(another friend) was also called..again HM room..."Gavas, you stay in kamban st right?"
Gavas - yes miss....
Mam - do you know the way to police station? your dad must be knowing the constables there..
Gavas - yes miss.. i know kandan anna there..
Mam - can you take akino,pari and handover the kid to the station..
Gavas -..but.. police....yes .. miss..
i was clueless on wats happening around me... police station. me..believe me ppl, they dint send a teacher to help us.. i still have a doubt on how could rely on such young ppl to take care of kid.. but they did...we three went to police station, i could still remember the red bricks and the uniformed men,.. we were asked to sit in the bench.must be "the famous" bench.. i dunno whether it is constable or head constable or inspector..he got some sign from us , i dunno wat significance could be there to get a signature from 3 ten year old.. but you know,, the process they have to follow.... we have to tell all details abt our dad.......i remember hugging and kissing the kid before i leave.... i dunno wat he had became of now.... i dunno whether he was really lost that day or i just took him to my school when his mom was standing some distance away.. or i still could someone leave small kid alone in most crowded bustand...i dunno anythng... i dunno whatever i did was right or wrong..
i only could wonder whether will i be able to do the same again now!!..or will i simply pass away if i see some kid crying in the mid of road.